


Finding Danny

by Ravensdawn



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010), Hawaii Five-0 AU - Fandom
Genre: AU, Car Wreck, Grieving, M/M, Sad, Sad to Happy, Teenager McDanno, mcdanno, tragedy that happens to characters you don't ever meet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 03:41:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12380154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravensdawn/pseuds/Ravensdawn
Summary: Danny deals with a terrible tragedy.  He meets Steve in the midst of it.





	Finding Danny

He shuffled along, hoodie pulled tight, not really going anywhere, just moving.  The tears both refused to flow and wouldn’t stop so he shook his head, drops falling to the ground. Furtive backward glances told him that the counselor had given up trying to follow him, at least by foot.  He’d have to apologize later.  The cheery fall afternoon sun mocked him and made his eyes hurt.  The pounding white noise in his ears muffled the city.   Row house after row house. People living lives. Happy people who still had a family, still had some hope.

The Starbucks called to him from three blocks away.  Coffee. No, hot chocolate. Both.  Something, anything to warm the cold from his chest.   He silently thanked the universe for a quiet café and a free chair in the corner.  He settled on a mocha with extra whipped cream and curled himself into the chair.  Hands covered by the cuffs of his sweatshirt wrapped around the drink as if it held the answers to the universe.  It was too hot. He fought back tears and set it down.  He squeezed his eyes shut, maybe the world would disappear if he wasn’t watching. 

Someone gently shook Danny’s shoulder.  The moment of panic forced his eyes open and he focused on a tall, handsome kid in a Starbucks apron.  Danny’s brain was lost, he didn’t know what day it was or what time it was or where he was, but those eyes had kindness in them.  Shuffling himself to an upright position he mumbled, “Sorry.” That was the moment his memory returned.  The grief slacked all the muscles in his face and he had to once again hold back tears.  Steve noticed.

“It’s alright, you fell asleep, but we’re closing soon.  I think your coffee is cold, let me get you another,” Steve walked off before Danny could protest.

Steve returned in a few minutes, but Danny was gone.  Steve put down his coffees and ran out the door.  All of his instincts were telling him that that kid was in trouble and he couldn’t let him go.  He was learning that his gut was excellent at assessing situations. With a sigh of relief, he saw Danny, leaning against the wall, staring into infinity.  He walked over to Danny, copied his stance and tried not to be too threatening.

“Hey.  Come back in.  It’s ok.  You’re not in trouble for falling asleep,” Steve had a way of being calming without being condescending.  With Danny’s hesitation, he added, “C’mon, I made us a couple of mochas, it’d be silly to waste them.”  He tried a small smile, hoping he was welcoming enough for Danny to comply.

Danny looked up silently and nodded.  The cool air outside had helped him regain his footing.  The hollow void wasn’t going to swallow him just yet.  He followed Steve inside and the two of them sat in adjacent comfy chairs where Danny had been.  They sat in silence.  They drank their mochas, glancing at each other.  Danny stood up.

“Thanks. I gotta go,” he said without making eye contact.

“Do you have somewhere you can go?” Steve hoped he wasn’t homeless, then groaned inwardly at how insensitive he sounded.

“Yeah,” Danny answered.  This time he raised his eyes.  He watched Steve watch him, feeling exposed even though he was wrapped in his giant hoodie.

“I work here most days.  You can find me here,” Steve offered.

Danny stammered and said something that was a cross between “thanks” and “okay” – “thokay” and that was the last straw for Danny’s composure.  He turned a left as quickly as his leaden legs would let him.  Steve watched him go.  Crap, he didn’t even get his name.  Running after him to ask seemed to cross some line from supportive to stalkerish so all he could do was hope he’d come back.

Danny made his way back to his house.  The end unit of a series of row houses made of brick, dating back nearly a hundred years.  He loved the carved wooden door, the warm color of the brown oak bannister along the stairs that led to his second-floor room.  The living room on the left still had all the original wood moldings, though they had been repainted.  Because it was an end unit, someone sometime had fitted it with a bay window.  You could sit on the window seat and watch the world go by, without the world being able to see you and he had always loved it.  Today, though, it hurt.  Everything hurt.  The place where he took his first step.  The table where they played board games in the den. The piano his sister learned to play.  The couch where he shyly sat with his first date.  It all happened here.  That was over now, though.   He heard quiet conversation coming from the kitchen.

“Oh, honey,” his Grammy sighed, “we were so worried about you.  Ms. Mintner called to say you had left.  It’s been hours.”

“Sorry, Grammy,” Danny said, letting himself fall into her warm hug.  There were those tears again.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” Danny’s energy to keep himself upright was dangerously low.  Now he’d worried his grandparents. 

“All that matters now is that you are here with us,” his Grampa chimed in.

“I went to get a coffee.  I sat in the chair and I fell asleep.  I’m so sorry,” Danny felt awful, now for a whole new reason.

“Try to have a bite to eat, then go lie down, alright?” Grammy said.  He could see her eyes rimmed in red, so were Grampa’s and he could only think of one other time he’d ever seen that.

“I’m gonna just go to my room, okay?” he asked, hoping they wouldn’t fight him on this.  Food was the last thing on his mind.

They nodded in understanding and told him that for the time being they’d be staying here, helping him with everything.

He laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling, silently writing his biography in his head. _At 17, Danny was suddenly alone in the world.  His parents and sister died tragically in a car accident.  A drunk driver ran a red light, crashed into their car with such force, they rolled over the embankment.  All three were killed instantly. Danny hadn’t wanted to go to his sister’s dance recital, and was at home at the time of the crash._ But that was it, that was as far as he could get.  What will happen now?  What will happen to him?  All he saw was an unending white emptiness.

Chapter 2

The funeral was more than Danny could manage.  He felt he should be the one to deliver the eulogy and it was the most emotionally charged and draining thing he’d ever had to do.  He felt like he was talking about someone else’s family, someone else’s lives.  He sat in the pew afterwards with his grandparents.  There were aunts, uncles, nephews and nieces that he’d never been close with. He listened to the priest talk about “a better place” and “God has a plan for everyone” and he thought he might puke right there on the hard, wooden bench.  His Mom had been a school teacher and every student she ever had, apparently, had come to pay their respects and they all wanted to talk to Danny.  He couldn’t figure out why.  Then there were people his father worked with.  They all seemed to know all about him, but he knew nothing of them.  The calm hearse was a relief.  The quiet was welcome and he appreciated that his grandparents seemed to need the silence, too, though he could feel them worriedly glancing over at him. 

Being outside, Danny always felt a little better, even if he was at the cemetery.  The three openings in the earth gave him that feeling that nothing was real, this couldn’t possibly be happening to him.  Couldn’t be his family.  How can they put them in the ground?  Dizziness struck and he had to lean against the tree.   A sharp pang of panic took over.  He fought the urge to run.  Somewhere in the back of his brain, a little voice was telling him this was the last time he’d ever see his family again.  The last chance to say good-bye.  He made himself stay. 

More droning by the priest.  Everyone sang _In the Sweet By and By_.  Then that was it.  The coffins were in the ground.  Danny stared.  Danny ran.  Suit and tie and fancy shoes be damned.  He ran, people distantly calling his name.  Sucking in breath after breath, he cried, still at full tilt. Messy, snotty, wet crying, so he couldn’t even see where he was going.  Footfall after footfall, his body took over the running while the tears flushed his brain with grief.  Deep pain, down in the very being of his soul, poured out of him with every coughing sob. He ran and ran.  When his legs and lungs could take no more, he slowed.  _Now what._ He absolutely did not know how to move on.  No idea at all what the next thing should be, what action to take.  He stood paralyzed on the sidewalk, frightening himself with his thoughts.  Someone talked to him.  He looked around, worried he was losing it because no one was there. _Text your grandparents.  It wouldn’t be fair to worry them again._ He obediently texted them.   The McDonald’s was open and he wandered in.  G _o to the restroom to clean your face._ That voice in the back of his head was telling him what to do.  Thank God.

His phone chimed.  A text from Grammy, “We love you, honey, take time for yourself, but please be home before dark”.  What he would do without them, he didn’t know.

“Thanks. Love you too.  I won’t be late, I promise,” he texted back, then went to find the bathroom.  When he was done, he stuffed a couple paper towels in his pocket, just in case.  Stepping outside, he oriented himself.  Despite how it felt, he hadn’t really run all that far.  Hands stuffed in the pockets of his suit, he headed out. 

His wanderings brought him within sight of the Starbucks again. His stomach wasn’t going to tolerate coffee but that chair in the corner enticed him. A cup of black coffee would suffice as an excuse to curl up and ignore the world for a few minutes.  Nothing to do with that guy with the kind eyes, he tried to convince himself.  He probably wouldn’t be there anyway.  He stood in the line head down focusing on his phone.  Glancing up suddenly he locked eyes with the tall kid at the counter.  Something passed between them. Danny felt self-conscious and looked down. 

“It’s so good to see you again,” Steve blurted out when Danny got to the counter.  Shock registered on Danny’s face and Steve flushed bright red.  “I mean, y’know, I’m glad you seem ok,” Steve mumbled and added quickly, “What can I get you?”

Danny’s “Tall Americano, please,” was an attempt to move on from the awkwardness. 

“Can I get your name for the order?” Steve asked in a practiced manner.

“Danny”

“Hi, Danny, I’m Steve.” With this, Steve smiled, eyes shining.

Danny felt his mouth start to curl up, but the smile just wouldn’t come.  “Hi,” he said, relieved his voice was steady.  He moved on to the spot where others were waiting for their drinks, carefully not making eye contact.  The minutes stretched.  At last, he had his coffee and collapsed in the chair.  That’s when he remembered he was wearing his suit.  He’d gone with all black, even his shirt.  He took off the tie and balled it up into the jacket pocket, unbuttoned the top button and untucked the shirt a bit.  The coffee, to his surprise, was going down well.  He wished he’d gotten some milk, but no force on Earth would get him to leave his place to get some.  Black coffee would have to do. He slouched in his chair, letting his head rest on the back of it.  This gave him an excellent view of the ceiling.  His eyes closed without his permission and once again he was out.

He startled awake and looked at his watch. Relief ran through him as he realized it had only been a couple of minutes.  He went back to staring at the ceiling. 

“I never knew how interesting the ceiling was before,” a voice next to him said.  Danny looked over to see Steve, head leaned back on his chair, joining Danny in his contemplation. 

Looking back to the ceiling, he said, “There are nine panels down and five panels across, making 45, but the lights over the barista’s spot take up two so that makes 43.”

“Every panel has four full diamonds and eight half diamonds,” Steve added.

“So what’s that, 172 diamonds?” Danny continued.

“Well, that’s just the unbroken ones.  Then every two half-diamonds make another diamond,” Steve started laughing at their ridiculous conversation.

The two of them rolled their heads toward each other and Danny smiled. For the first time since the accident, the two-ton weight on Danny’s chest didn’t feel quite so heavy.  They rolled their heads back and fell quiet.

“Can I ask why you’re dressed up?” Steve ventured.

“Do you mind if I say no?” Danny answered.

“No, that’s fine.”

There was a pause.  Danny sat up and looked over to Steve, who was still looking up.  “I was at my family’s funeral,” he said nearly inaudibly.  Words were difficult. He had that feeling again that nothing was real.

“Your family?” Steve said before he really thought about what he was saying.  He also sat up, so he could face Danny.  Danny nodded his head.  He didn’t say any more.  Steve didn’t know what to do.

“They died.  I can’t talk about it,” Danny mumbled as he saw the shock on Steve’s face.

Steve reached out and squeezed his shoulder.  Danny’s eyes misted up again, the grief still so new and raw.  He glanced at Steve and his teary eyes were too much.  Steve knelt on the floor in front of Danny’s chair and wrapped him in his arms.  Danny completely surprised himself and clung to this warm and giving near-stranger. His heart responded to Steve’s slow, strong beat, chipping away at the fear that had made itself at home in Danny’s chest ever since that day.  Danny stayed in that dark, calm place as long as he thought he could.  He sat up, but couldn’t look Steve in the eye.

“I’m so sorry,” Steve whispered.  Danny didn’t want to cry again, his foggy brain was having trouble keeping up.

“I should go home,” Danny said back while standing up. “Umm, thanks.” 

Steve asked for his phone and once again Danny didn’t know why, but he trusted Steve enough to give him his phone.  Steve opened the contacts and put his number in Danny’s phone. 

“Text me any time,” Steve said sincerely, “I’m usually around.”

Danny didn’t know what to say.  _Who was this guy and why was he being so nice?_   “I really should go, my grandparents are waiting for me.”  Steve was relieved to hear he had people who cared about him.  He wondered again why he worried so much about Danny.  He didn’t want him to go.

“Want to meet up later to see a movie?” Steve asked.

“I don’t think I’m good company,” Danny answered.

“It would get your mind off things.  C’mon I’ll buy the popcorn,” Steve tried.

“Yeah, okay,” Danny gave in.  “I have to run it by my Grammy though, she might want me to stay home.”

“Okay.  Meet me at the theater around 7:30? If it’s alright with Grammy,” Steve calling his grandmother by his name for her sounded right, like she was Steve’s grandmother, too.

“Okay. See ya,” Danny opened his arms to give Steve a good-bye hug.  He’d never met anyone he so immediately felt comfortable with.  The smile on Steve’s face was worth it. Steve dove into his arms. Putting that smile on Steve’s face lightened Danny’s mood and he walked home with an inkling of hope.

Steve stood on the sidewalk outside the theater.  He was early.  He was nervous. He was excited.  He hadn’t heard from Danny, so he assumed Grammy had given permission.  He had already bought two tickets to Fast and Furious.  He figured it would be the most distracting and he and Danny could make fun of it.  Finally, he could make out a Danny-shaped figure walking toward him. His hoodie was wrapped around him, hood and all.  Steve’s heart skipped a beat.  Then he had a thought _What if he’s not into guys?_ and his anxiety suddenly shot through the roof. _Nah, my radar is good._ He reassured himself.  Then he reprimanded himself – _you could be friends y’know, if he’s into guys or not –_ but he still hoped they could be more.

“Hey,” Danny greeted.

“Hey,” Steve mimicked, “Fast and Furious ok?”

“Sure,” Danny said, “Perfect.”  Danny suddenly felt like he was on a first date and he supposed he was.  Steve did ask him to a movie, that’s a date, right?

They went in and Danny insisted on buying the popcorn after all since Steve had gotten the tickets.  They got a giant one to share, extra butter, and two sodas.  Danny felt a wave of guilt. He wondered if it was alright to be doing something fun tonight, so soon after the funeral.  He didn’t know.  He didn’t know anything anymore.  He was on automatic.  When he told his grandparents he was going out, they looked at each other meaningfully, but decided perhaps Danny needed an escape, so they said yes.

They sat as close to the middle of the theater as they could get and settled in, munching on popcorn.  The previews began and the two of them made snide comments about the movies coming up, making each other chuckle, and giving thumbs up or down.  Their eye contact was charged, even in the dark.  The movie started and Danny found himself watching Steve more than the movie.  Steve noticed that when ever he looked over, Danny was already looking at him.  This gave Steve the confidence to put his hand close to Danny’s on the chair’s arm. When Danny didn’t recoil, he put his hand over Danny’s.  Danny turned his hand over and they clasped hands.  They smiled goofy smiles at each other and ate popcorn with their other hands for the rest of the movie. 

The movie ended all too soon for Steve’s liking.  He loved holding hands.  He loved that Danny wanted to hold his hand.  His heart was pounding.  Danny felt like Steve was sent from heaven to keep him sane.  He couldn’t get over the timing of meeting him now of all times.  If he hadn’t, he knew he’d be curled up on his bed trying not to think.  He had the strange wandering thought that perhaps his Mom had something to do with it, like she was still watching over him in heaven and sent Steve.  Then he started to feel antsy.  This was going too fast.  His brain had so much to process.  Second thoughts reared in his head and he couldn’t understand what was happening.  Unreality set in again, panic started in his stomach and he had to get out. 

“I should go,” he said quickly, once they were back outside and started off.

“Danny, don’t run,” Steve had never blurted out so many things unbidden in his life.  He skip-ran to catch up with him.  _What is it with this guy, why am I doing this?_   

Danny slowed and turned, realizing he was being rude.  “Sorry, sorry,” he said.  “But I really should go home.”

“Um, okay,” Steve said, disappointed.

“It was great, thanks for the movie,” Danny added sincerely.  “Really, I had a great time,” Danny added, putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder.  Steve misunderstood the gesture and awkwardly went in for a hug instead.  Danny went with it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to run,” he whispered in Steve’s ear.  “You’ve been so great, I don’t know what…” he trailed off.  Steve squeezed tighter for a moment, then let go.

“It’s alright. I had a great time, too,” Steve said. “Come to the Starbucks again, okay, we can hang out on my break or something.”

“That’d be great,” Danny smiled.  “See you soon.”  A meaningful look passed between them and they both headed to their homes.

Chapter 3

Danny’s Grammy and Grandpa, his mother’s parents, had arrived the day after the accident.  They had been organizing and arranging and taking care of everything, including Danny, ever since.  Now that the funeral was over, they turned their attention to the house and the estate.  As the only heir, the house was Danny’s, along with everything else.  They had contacted a lawyer to go over the papers with them.  Danny’s mom had gotten life insurance for herself that stipulated that in the event of her death and either of her children were minors at the time, the mortgage on the house would be paid off.  Danny’s father also had had life insurance through his work, leaving Danny financially stable for the time being.  The house was now his, mortgage paid, and he had money in the bank.  They made arrangements to leave him with enough money to live on, and invested the rest.  He would be 18 soon, he’d graduate from high school in a couple of months and he’d be on his own.  None of this particularly mattered to Danny.  He’d give it all back to have his family again.  He thought about selling the house, haunted as it was with too many memories.  That was a decision for later.

Because he was a senior, but still a minor, his grandparents decided to live with him until graduation.  Otherwise, he’d have to change schools for the last few months. Danny gave them both huge, relieved hugs when they told him.  He promised he’d take care of himself as much as possible.  His Grammy wouldn’t hear of it, she wanted him to focus on his schooling and get into a good college.  Grandpa would check on their own home every week.

Danny already had a few college applications in.  He didn’t know what would happen with them now.  He had filled out all the financial paperwork before the accident and now that was all changed. He had been leaning toward a college that meant he’d live away from home. That didn’t feel right anymore.  College wasn’t going to happen at all if he didn’t get back to school.  He wondered what his friends were up to.  Many of them had come to the funeral, and he’d been texting with them off and on.  They didn’t know what to say to him, and he had little to say to them. At first, they talked about school work he was missing, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.  They ran out of things to say.  It’d hadn’t been quite two weeks yet, he could make that up, or he could drop out.

He came down for breakfast in his pajamas and found Grammy in the kitchen starting the coffee. 

“Good morning,” he said and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

“Hi, honey, want some coffee?” she said cheerfully.

“God, yes,” he answered while pulling his favorite mug from the cabinet.  He plunked himself down on one of the tall stools near the counter, empty cup waiting for the maker to finish. 

“Do you have plans for the day?” his grandmother asked.

“Not really, why?”

“I think it’s time to start packing some things away,” and with that, Danny’s mood saddened.

“Yeah, okay,” he said quickly.

“Honey, I know it’s going to be hard, we’ll do it together.  I want you to keep everything you want to keep, and we’ll donate the rest.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said more confidently this time. 

“I thought we might start in your sister’s room,” she added, “she has clothes and shoes things that you’ll never need, maybe that would be the easiest.  We could fix up the room as a guest room, and still keep some of her favorite things.”

She was right, of course, Danny didn’t need his sister’s dresses, but the idea was still uncomfortable.  It wasn’t a room he’d spent a lot of time in.  Only on rare occasions was he ever invited in.  It was her space.  However, the thought of going through his parent’s things was worse, and he knew his grandmother was only trying to help.

“Can we have breakfast first?” Danny’s lighter mood had returned, and he smiled so Grammy would know he was joking with her.

“Of course, you silly goose,” and she smiled, too.

Danny had been more or less wrapped up in himself lately and hadn’t thought too much on how difficult this must be for them.  They lost a daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter.  He’d seen them crying, something he’d never seen before, and he knew they were grieving, but how much of a blow was just occurring to him. 

He walked over to her, gave her a big hug, and said, “I love you, Grammy.”

“Love you, too, Honey,” she said sincerely, “Now, go get Grandpa, we’ll have something to eat.”

 _Hey_ he texted to Steve.

 _Hey to you, too,_ came the response.

_I’m cleaning house today.  Want to get together tonite?_

_Movie?_

_How about dinner – Red Robin?_

_Sure.  7:30 ok, after work?_

_See you then._  Danny stood there for a good moment or two trying to decide whether to add an emoji or something, then decided against.  Having arranged seeing Steve made the day so much easier to handle.

Even so, it was awful.  Danny had struggled with derealization since their deaths, and today was no exception.  His brain would not accept that this was his life.  A million decisions and he didn’t like any of them.  Never knowing he had favorites of his sister’s clothing before, he found he didn’t want to let any of them go.  In the end, he kept her favorite hoodie, it wasn’t too feminine for him to wear, and putting it on made him feel close to her again.  Same went for her oversized jean jacket.  He didn’t know then that he’d have that sweatshirt for the rest of his life, even if he stopped wearing it years later.  He found a few of his own t-shirts she had “borrowed” and smiled to himself over how angry he would have been.  There was “Noonoo”, the stuffed monkey she’d had forever, named for her mispronunciation of the banana it had in it’s hand.  Noonoo found a new home on his bed.  She had some books and a really cool desk lamp, and of course her game consoles, and games to go with them.  Grammy saved all of the photos and all of the artwork her granddaughter had made when she was young as well as casts of her infant hand and footprints.  Other than that, it was all boxed up.  Grandpa helped them move the boxes to the car, and he was tasked with taking them to the Goodwill.  While he was gone, they made the bed.  Her desk held the photos and the dresser was decorated with a runner and scented candles from downstairs.  The room looked totally different.  Danny was surprised how he felt a bit better.  He’d said goodbye to his sister so many times that day, so many prayers said in her direction, her hoodie keeping his soul warm.  He knew then he’d never forget her and knew she knew that, too.  

Didn’t stop him from curling up on his bed, clutching that monkey, and weeping.  In the safety of his own room and in the dark, his grief flowed through him in waves.  The brave front he’d been keeping up all day crumbled.  _Three steps forward, two steps back._ His calculus teacher used to say that was the way we learned anything. The saying took on new meaning.  He was learning to live with grief.  To that end, he hauled himself up and got himself into the shower. The three steps forward were easier to take when dinner with Steve was in the offering.

Hair combed, his “best” jeans, and a button-down shirt and he was ready to go.  He told his grandparents where he was going and told them not to wait up.  His grandmother was concerned – “How well do you know this boy?  Are you sure you’ll be alright?”  He tried to reassure her best he could until his grandfather interceded to lovingly tell her to “let the boy go, he’ll be fine.”  Thus freed, he headed out.  It was too far to walk, so he took his bike.  “Learn to drive” had been on his mental to-do list for months, it moved to the top now.  He reluctantly put on his helmet and rode off. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you don’t drive?  I would have come and picked you up,” Steve said while Danny locked up his bike.

“What?  I’m good. I don’t need you to pick me up.  I got it,” Danny replied.

“I know you’re good.  I know you got it.  I just thought it would be nice to save you the ride.”

“Besides, how do you know I can’t drive?  Maybe I wanted the exercise,” Danny bantered back.

“You’re going to have to ride home in the dark.  I love biking, but not at night in the dark.  Safety first, Danny, safety first.”  He smirked and winked at him with that. 

“Safety, schmafety, I can handle myself.  Are we going to eat, or what?”  Smiling despite himself, he opened the door to the Red Robin. Steve grabbed the door above Danny’s head and gestured for Danny to go first.

“You don’t want someone holding the door for you?”

“I’m being polite here. You don’t want me to be polite?”

“I want you to respect that I’m being the chivalrous one, not try to outdo me,”

“Not trying to outdo you, are you always so sensitive?”

“Sensitive?  You’re the one that won’t let me hold the door for you, sensitive….” Danny shook his head as they managed to walk through the opening without further complaint.

The receptionist grinned at the two of them bickering.  Danny hadn’t had this much fun in forever, even since ages before the accident.  She interrupted to ask if they wanted a table for two.  They nodded in unison and she smiled again.  They followed her through the restaurant to a booth for two with a little candle in the center of the table.  They took the offered menus, ordered drinks and onion rings, and she was off to put in their order.

Danny didn’t even open the menu.  He was getting a cheeseburger and fries, he didn’t need to look.  Steve opened it and started reading.  And reading. And reading.  Danny watched, fascinated.

“What are you reading?” he wondered.

“The menu.”

“It’s burgers and fries, what more do you need to know?”

“It’s a lot more than burgers and fries, Danny. There’s fish and mac and cheese and chicken.  There are at least 20 different burgers and a list of stuff I could make my own with, there’s so much in here.”

“What did you decide on?” Danny quizzed when Steve finally closed the menu.

“Classic burger with fries,” Steve answered.

“I rest my case,” Danny smiled smugly. “I told you it’s all burgers and fries.”

“Yeah, but Danny, I didn’t know what I wanted.  Might have been something really good in there,” Steve said defensively.

“Yeah, really good burgers,” Danny laughed.

Right then the waitress brought the onion ring and sodas.  She took their dinner order.  Their table fell silent.  The two were lost in their own thoughts.

Steve wanted to ask about Danny’s family and he didn’t want to ask. Danny didn’t know if he should talk about his family or not but they were really the only thing that has been on his mind for more than two weeks. His brain had nothing for him other than that.  “How’s work?” sounded so cliché, Danny couldn’t spit that out.  Steve went with the safe bet when the silence went too long.  He told Danny of this guy who came into the Starbucks.  He gave Steve a long-winded order – venti 6 shot non-fat, sugar free vanilla latte, half-caf at 140 degrees – then swore up and down he could tell it wasn’t half-caf.  Steve promised he’d made it exactly as asked, but the man was belligerent, and Steve had to redo the drink with the man watching him like a hawk.  Steve was bored with his own story, but at least Danny was looking at him and smiling along.

Then he said, “That’s a great sweatshirt, where’d you get it?” and immediately regretted it when Danny’s face fell.  Danny recovered quickly, but Steve saw the flash of sadness on his face.

“It’s my sister’s” Danny answered, “was my sisters,” he added.  God, he wanted to be in the place where he could talk about them without the pit in his stomach, but he wasn’t there yet.  He didn’t want Steve’s pity, he didn’t want to cry, he wanted normal.  It seemed so far away. The look on Steve’s face wasn’t helping.

“It’s okay, I’m alright,” he bravely answered.

“I didn’t mean…” Steve wasn’t sure what he didn’t mean.

“It’s alright.  We spent the day cleaning up my sister’s room.  This was hers.  She got it from Yellowstone on a family trip and she loved the tree pattern.  They only had the adult large size and she insisted on getting it even though she swam in it.”  A small smile ran across his face.

Steve reached out and gave Danny’s hand a squeeze.  “She sounds great, Danny, but you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.”

“Okay, not yet, is that alright?” Danny asking permission for something he didn’t have to ask permission for gave him pause. 

“Of course, whenever you want, I’ll listen,” Steve assured.

Their awkwardness was saved by a waiter bringing their food.  For a good few minutes they ate quietly, missing each other’s glances.  Conversation was slow but soon picked up.  Danny wanted to know all about Steve.  Steve told him about his plans to keep working his way through college – he was on the two years of community college then transfer plan – with the goal being a degree in criminology.  All he ever wanted to do was catch the bad guys.  Steve was taking a beginning psych class and found it all so fascinating. Brains were weird. You could remember something from when you were 3 and yet not remember what happened moments earlier.  Some people heard colors. Some people could write with both hands at the same time in mirror images. 

Danny watched as Steve’s eyes lit up with interest and excitement at his plans.  His happiness was infectious and Danny had a smile on his face. Breathing was easier with Steve around.  Steve’s voice had calm in it, and distraction.  He forgot for a moment.  A precious moment of feeling like himself again, even if his brain reminded him of his own reality right after and the world crashed in again.  Every time he met with Steve, the moments lasted a little longer.

They finished and Danny insisted on paying since he had chosen the restaurant.  They wandered outside, neither knowing what would be next.

“Leave your bike, let me drive you home.  It’s dark,” Steve offered.

“I have a light, I’ll be okay,” Danny said, not very convincingly. “I can’t leave it here, someone might take it.” The thought of being alone on his bike, and consequently not with Steve, was opening that void in his chest.  He felt the phantom of panic somewhere in the back of his mind.  He’d have to watch himself, he was getting attached.  He didn’t want to overstay his welcome.

Steve, of course, noticed his hesitance.  “How about we strap the bike to the hood?”

“I don’t want to put you to that trouble,” Danny said quickly, “I’ll just ride home.”

“Nonsense.  I’ve got straps and I’ll drive slow.”

“You’re not going to let me take myself home, are you?” Danny teased with a smile.

“No, so you might as well get your bike and get in my car,” Steve said with authority.

Danny did as he was told.  Almost.  He didn’t get in the car until the two of them secured the bike on the roof.  Danny realized half way through the process that Steve didn’t need his help here.  Steve efficiently placed the bike and straps like he had done this every day.  Steve had a way of moving effortlessly with no wasted actions. He was certain in what he did, confident in what he was doing.  At one point, Steve winked at Danny when Danny expressed surprise at how easily Steve handle the task.  Danny blushed. Steve’s heart swelled.

“Why are you doing this?” Danny asked, once they got on the road, his voice louder than he had meant.

“Doing what?”

“This. Being nice to me. Why did you help me at the Starbucks?  You didn’t have to.”

Steve paused.  “You don’t want me to?  I can’t just be nice?”

“No.  No one is this nice.  People aren’t nice.  People ignore other people in coffee shops, especially when they fall asleep.”  Danny was on a roll.  “You tell people your whole family died, they ignore you, try to get away.  Not you, you ran closer.  Why?”

Steve answered softly, “Daniel, are you okay?” and he glanced over and back to the road.

“No! I’m not okay!  I’ll never be okay again!” Danny burst out, Jersey accent on full display.  “That’s why people avoid others who have lost loved ones.  They’re broken.  They don’t want anything to do with them.  Grief is scary, people don’t like it, it reminds them of death. I’m grieving, Steve!  Why would you want to be around that?!  What’s in this for you?! I won’t do anything but make you sad.” Danny was gesturing wildly, looking at Steve, tears rimming his eyes. “I can’t do anything for you.  All I see is loss and none of my plans mean anything anymore.  I have nothing to offer.  You have plans.  You’re doing something with your life.  What am I going to do?  Nothing but interfere in your plans,” Danny was ranting and he couldn’t seem to stop.

By this time, Steve had pulled the car over and put it in park.

“What are you doing now?  Why are we stopping?  Take me home, Steve, I need to go home,” Danny kept up his rant.  “Let me go home.”  His rant was interrupted by Steve putting his hands on either side of Danny’s face.  He waited for Danny to make eye contact. 

Speaking quietly and clearly Steve said, “You are not broken.  You do not make me sad.  You are not interfering in my plans.  Meeting you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”  Steve pressed his lips to Danny’s. The connection was immediate and overwhelming.  They were sat in the car on the side of the road kissing, clinging to each other.  Steve drew back for a breath and Danny grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back in.  He wanted Steve to know what he meant to him, wanted him to know he could trust him.  Steve tried to show Danny that he liked him even if he was sad, that he wanted to be there for him, and wanted him around. 

Steve pulled back again. “Are you done ranting now? Can we get back on the road because I’d rather be doing this at my place.”

“Your place?  That’s pretty presumptuous of you, do you think I’m that easy?” Danny joked.

“Yes.” Steve laughed.

“I wasn’t ranting,” Danny sulked.

“That was ranting. Textbook ranting.”

“I was expressing my concerns.”

“Expressing your concerns in a ranting manner,” Steve corrected.

“This is Jersey.  That’s how we do it in Jersey,” Danny protested.

“I don’t do it like that, and I’m from Jersey, too.”

“Born and raised?”

“Well, no, but I’ve been here a while,” Steve admitted.

“There you go, then.” Danny said smugly.

“Okay to go to my house?” Steve changed the subject.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Okay.”

They were quiet the rest of the of the two-minute ride.  Steve’s home was a top floor apartment. While he loved being three floors up and no one stomping around over his head, the elevator didn’t work half the time. It wasn’t much, but it was his.  It had four small rooms:  living room, bedroom, kitchen and spare room.  Neat, organized and clean.  The spare room had a treadmill and weight lifting bench, along with a small office desk with a file cabinet and Bluetooth speakers.  Steve showed Danny around, Danny politely nodding along with Steve’s explanations.  Ending in the kitchen was by design so Steve could offer a soda, which Danny accepted.  They took them to the living room and crashed on the couch, at either end.  They took swigs from their cokes.  They looked at each other.  They looked away.

“I can’t,” Steve said.

“Can’t what?”

“Can I kiss you again, because I can’t sit here like this,” Steve said matter-of-factly.

Danny set his bottle down and damn near tackled Steve.  They were mouth to mouth before Steve really knew what was happening.  Steve wiggled and slid so he could be lying down, Danny’s knees straddling his hips, mouths still together.  Steve’s hands held his face again so gently.  They felt huge around Danny’s head, fingers nearly touching, thumbs reaching onto his forehead.  He let Steve hold him and move him where he wanted him.  That feeling of peace ran through him and he wondered again how he got so lucky to meet Steve at this time in his life.  He let himself forget.  He let himself give Steve his trust.  He only checked himself when he felt his own hips roll. He needed to slow down.

Steve’s brain was on overdrive.  While his life wasn’t the tragedy of Danny’s, he had been virtually alone for several months.  His parents, in the military, had shipped out to the Middle East.  His dad managed the intelligence gathering operations while his mom was an RN at the military hospital.  Steve hadn’t wanted to go.  He was an adult now and wanted to stay in the states and get his own life started.  His parents helped him get the apartment, making sure he was settled before they left.  He got his job at the Starbucks and enrolled in college, but he hadn’t really made any friends.  He didn’t want to frighten Danny away by being too needy.  At the same time, all he wanted to do was stay in this kiss. He held on to Danny, feeling like he might disappear if he let him go.  Danny was rapidly becoming his rock, and it frightened him.

Danny noticed Steve’s change in intensity.  “Hey,” he whispered, “Hey, I’m not going anywhere.”

Steve met his eyes, “Sorry,” he whispered back.

“I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“Same.”

Danny’s hips rolled again and felt less alone when Steve’s rolled up to meet his.  Danny quietly groaned in his throat.

“Danny…”

“Yeah…”

They pressed together. Steve moved his hands to Danny’s waist.  Danny’s hands slid under Steve’s t-shirt, pulling it up.  Steve shuffled around and sat up so he was sitting straight on the couch, Danny still astride his lap.  Danny nearly toppled off in the process and Steve caught him, hands grasping him by the butt.  The action brought their groins together with a thud.

“Ungh.” That was Steve.  Danny smiled.  Steve lifted his arms so Danny could take his shirt off.  Danny removed his own shirt while he was at it.  Steve ran his hands from Danny’s bare shoulders up to the nape of his neck, splayed his fingers and ran them into his hair.  Danny leaned in and kissed Steve with more certainty, opening is mouth.  Another wall between them fell as Steve opened to him.  Steve’s hands smoothed down Danny’s back, this time sliding under his jeans, over his boxers, bringing him bodily closer, chest to chest, mouth to mouth, zipper to zipper.  Steve held him in place while he lifted himself up for contact.  Danny leaned away to breathe.  He arched his back, head turned to the ceiling, stretching himself while grinding his hips, escaping into the sensations.  Danny bit his lip, closed his eyes and held onto Steve’s shoulders.  Steve watched muscles move under toned skin.

Danny was too far away so Steve reached up to bring their foreheads together. Breathing. He tried to say “Danny” but choked out something that sounded like “Danno” instead. Danny saved that little misstep for later. Instead, he said to the space between their faces, “Are you okay, is this okay”

“Yeah, only if you’re okay though”

“Can I take off my jeans”

“Will you come to my bed”

“I will”

“God Danny”

Danny extricated himself, then helped Steve to stand.  Steve was so tall, so strong, so handsome, every trait exaggerated at such close quarters.  Steve did something unexpected then by pulling Danny in a bear hug.  _This guy loves to hug_ was a thought that rolled through his brain.  He was aokay with hugs.  Steve took his hand and led him to his bedroom.  When he stepped in the bedroom, he suddenly had a thought.

“Have you gone this far ever before?” he asked as they stood near the bed.  Danny had been hoping he wouldn’t ask but he answered honestly. 

“Yeah, well no, never in a bed,” Danny said quickly, “and…um…never, you know, never….,” and he gestured, waving his hand in a way that didn’t actually indicate what he was trying to say.  “I’ve never really…..done, y’know…it,” Danny wasn’t really ashamed of this fact, he knew some people cared though, and he didn’t know Steve’s opinion. 

However, Steve was Steve and would never make fun over lack of sexual experience.  “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”

“You’re only a little bit older than me, have you ever gone this far before?” Danny said a little defensively.

“Yeah, yeah I have.  I didn’t mean to imply anything, I was checking,”

Danny softened his face.  “Thanks, no, that was, it’s okay, thanks,” he stammered.

Steve swept him up into his arms, “Should we continue?” he said with a smirk.  Danny noticed Steve didn’t make a move after that, he was waiting for Danny.  _I think I love him._ That thought was immediately dismissed as too soon.   Still, Danny kissed him because you can’t think that _and_ be in the arms of the one you think you might love and not kiss them. The smile reached every corner of his face. Steve’s face lit up like the sun.

The bed was made tight, nurse’s corners and all.  The comforter was deep navy blue with a matching blanket and despite appearances they were soft and warm.  The white sheet was neatly folded over the top edge of the blanket.  Pillows were crisp and full.  Steve tugged the sheets and blanket down and Danny immediately crawled on the bed, grabbing a pillow.  If not for his quick reflexes, Steve would have been hit squarely in the face with the pillow in Danny’s hands..  He dodged by instinct, ran around the bed to arm himself.  Danny, not as skilled, took a boof to his tummy, but that left Steve wide open to a hit over the head.  The next several hits were pillow-on-pillow.  Steve opted to lose his and go for direct tickling up and down Danny’s sides.  Danny used his pillow as an ineffective shield, giggling at his own inability to free himself of the onslaught.  They were kneeling face to face with the pillow between them, laughing like kids. Steve pulled the pillow away.  Danny closed the gap and they were kissing again.

They stopped laughing.  Danny had had girlfriends.  He’d had boyfriends. He hadn’t exactly exaggerated his experiences, but he’d never done this before.  He’d never been kneeling upright on a bed only in his boxers with anyone only in their boxers, right up against each other kissing.  Steve, for his part, hadn’t really either.  He’d had sex a couple times, rumbles in the dark, over quickly.  This was new. Just making out half-naked on a bed.  Feeling how turned on they were.  His hands reached for Danny’s hips and they started rocking.  It felt good. Everywhere. Danny kinda forgot what else was going on.  Steve decided to scoop Danny behind his thighs and across his back to lay him down.  Danny smiled and they tucked themselves under the blankets.  Steve climbed on top of him while Danny stretched his legs so Steve could sink between them.  Danny bent his knees and had they been entirely without clothes, they would have been awfully close to having sex, Danny stopped and looked into Steve’s eyes.  Steve looked back with a question on his face.

“Just taking a sec,” Danny breathed out.

“Too real?”

“Yeah”

Steve rolled off Danny, keeping him close in his arms.  They laid on their sides facing each other.  Danny didn’t want to talk.  He kissed Steve, feeling shy for having had second thoughts.  Proving to himself where he really wanted to go, he opened his mouth, attached himself entirely, reaching with his tongue.  When Steve’s tongue met his, all his awkwardness left.  This time it was Danny who held Steven’s hips to bring them together again. They moved, faces flushed, chests flushed, panting.  Danny felt the electricity spiraling at the base of his spine, spiking up to his head and down, curling behind his balls.  The sensations pouring through Steve seemed to come directly from contact with Danny.  They were at that point, the moment biology takes over, bodies doing what they’re going to do, no conscious choices needed, when trust becomes vital. 

“Steve…ungh,” Danny groaned as he pulled their mouths apart.

“Together?” Steve gasped out.

“Fuck”

“Oh, God.”

Danny was first, but it was close. Warmth flowed inside and out, no space between them, thighs flexed, toes pointed. Steve’s groans turned to gentle laughter as he held Danny.  Danny nuzzled into Steve’s neck and laughed with him, still breathing deeply.  After days and weeks of agony, Danny felt safe, loved.  Steve felt needed, protective and loved.  Not wanting to move, they fell asleep.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I began writing this on my late father's birthday. His loss always feels so close on that day, even though he passed nearly 20 years ago. Remembering the grief makes me feel lost and young even if I was an adult at the time. So Steve is 18 and Danny is about to turn 18 in this AU. I didn't tag it "underage" because I do not feel this story fits that tag. None of these events are even remotely autobiographical, but the feelings very much are. Anyway, that's the inspiration for this story that starts sad and ends in a better place. 
> 
> I love these two characters, but I do not own them. 
> 
> PS. I'm not a fan of fic that ends with a bedroom scene, but I felt it was necessary to write due to the build up. Since I feel like I've gotten what I needed from writing this, I can't promise any more in this universe, but I'll see.


End file.
